


Unrequited

by MyShipsWillNeverSail_sigh



Category: Jaspar - Fandom, Joeck - Fandom
Genre: M/M, jaspar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 19:05:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14063496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyShipsWillNeverSail_sigh/pseuds/MyShipsWillNeverSail_sigh
Summary: Joe is with Jack and Caspar regrets not telling Joe how he feels. Kind of sad, not going to lie, or maybe I'm a bad writer,





	Unrequited

 

joe is with jack and Caspar regrets not telling joe how he felt earlier.

  
Caspar always thought he had time, time to figure it all out. It was so unlike him to be indecisive, that was more Joe's issue, but it seemed Joe made the decision to move on. Caspar became more confused everyday about how he felt towards Joe. At first he thought that was how best friends felt about each other, but he had never felt like this with Josh or anyone else. It didn't matter anymore anyway he had moved on, and in the process subtly breaking Caspar's heart. In some way it made it easier because now he had no need for practiced speeches or buying roses every other week thinking that he would do it. But alas the roses withered and died every time, along with a piece of Caspar's heart. Now Joe was with Jack and they loved each other there was no doubt about it. All their friends commented about how they saw it coming. They never asked Caspar how he felt about it, and even if they did he would say he was happy for them. Because as much as it pained him to say, it hurt so much but it made it better knowing Joe was happy and loved. He knew Jack treated him well, better than he could. Maybe it was for the best, maybe this was how it was destined to be.

When Caspar got the text asking him if he wanted to come along on their ski trip with Conor, his brain told him not to because it was rational thinking. His heart on the other hand said the complete opposite, and Caspar always followed his heart. So, he buried the pain and started packing for the trip. His whole being knew this was a bad idea; nonetheless he put on a smile and got into the awaiting uber that would take them to the airport. As soon a they arrived Joe and Jack went into their room and another piece of his heart broke. He knew it was wrong to think like this, he knew it was not good for anyone at all. The group spent many hours of the day on the hills and most of the night drinking just a bit too much. Someone might wonder how Caspar hadn't already confessed to Joe. Caspar had one small rule he tried to abide by; to never drink heavily where Joe was in a close vicinity. This rule has always worked for Caspar, well almost always, tonight would be the first time the rule was broken. Caspar and the rest of the boys had gone drinking to commemorate their last night. And Caspar had lost his mind a little because Joe was sporting a heavy hickey on his neck, his hair tousled just right and his lips were swollen heavy. He rarely got to see Joe like this because Joe would spend so long making he sure he looked good. He made sure people only saw what he wanted them to see. So obviously Caspar kind of lost the plot a bit, and it is important to empathize the bit. Caspar truly believed it was a bit, between you and I it was a major dent in the plot. To forgot this the obvious answer was to drink and he did just that. He drank until he could barely remember his own name, until his heart was no longer filled with aching but the stinging aftertaste of vodka, and until his head clouded over and every thought that was so hidden came out. It was not long until Jack and the rest of the boys left early because they wanted to get some sleep, they couldn't convince Joe and Caspar to come along. So now it was 2am and they both sat at the bar drinking the remainder of alcohol with the last few lonely strangers. Joe hated to admit it but, sometimes he felt lonely even though Jack was right there, but sometimes when he's with Caspar he feels so full. This didn't mean he didn't love Jack because he did it was just, he didn’t know what it was but something about Caspar left him feeling something. It did not matter though because unlike the many pieces of media that will portray a good guy being dumped for that "feeling", was not something Joe was planning to do ever. Being with Jack meant a stable, healthy, loving relationship and he didn't want to give that up for the unknown with Caspar. He would admit he sometimes thought about what his life would have been like if he had told Caspar how he felt, or if Caspar felt the same, but he wasn't going to wait forever. Right know the two boys were so beyond drunk yet they kept taking shot after shot until the owner kicked them out at about three. Being as drunk as they were they probably couldn't even remember their names let alone the way back to the hotel, so they wandered. They would randomly collapse in laughter in the middle of the street leaning on to each other to offer at least some support. They found themselves in a rundown park, swinging on the rusted swings set.

"When did we get so old," Joe suddenly said. Of course Caspar was to busy staring at Joe's lips rather than listening to what they were saying.

"Huh," he replied slightly confused.

"When did we stop running in the fields, and making up make believe stories in our heads, when did we stop being kids. Because it seems no matter what I can't seem to pinpoint the exact moment when I decided to grow up," Joe whispered as he stared at the starry night above. Neither of them said anything for a while, Joe staring at the stars wondering when Jack and the boys would come looking for them, and Caspar staring at Joe hoping Jack and rest would never some.

"Maybe, just maybe we realize we have to grow up sometime, and being a child is no longer acceptable. We have to own up to our actions and start our lives. It's almost sad and tragic that our childhood's must stop because we can longer be those dreamers, those explores we were once. But Joe I think some people never out grow their childhood because they are afraid of the unknown, of having to give up a part of themselves. So slowly they become the saddest people, because although they are children at heart they see what others have lost and they see the true sadness, and that makes them hurt. I think that we slowly grow out of ourselves no matter how hard we try to hang on," Caspar stated.

And they had returned to silence, until Joe broke it a few minutes later after mulling over Caspar's words.

"I guess you're right."

Then out of nowhere Caspar decided to say what had been on the tip of his tongue for the last few years, "I miss you Joe," Caspar said as a tear fell from his eye.

"I'm right here," Joe said as he watched the tear fall.

"You have no idea how much I missed you in a way friends should not miss each other," Caspar replied and tried so hard to put as much love into those words as he could. Fortunately for him Joe recognized it, it seemed emotions were easier when stupidly drunk. He got off the swing and stepped in front of Caspar's swing.

"You always had these long legs that you were always tripping over, and now I'm going to trip over them," Joe said with a hint of frustration as he tried his best to move Caspar's legs so he could stand between them. I Guess there was enough sobriety between the two off them to pull it off. Now Joe stood between Caspar's legs not much taller than Caspar in his sitting position on the swing.

"Can I try something Caspar" Joe asked quietly, his voice hardly a whisper.

"Whatever you want"

And on that note Joe kissed Caspar and they both felt something brewing down in their hearts, something they had never felt with anyone. This scared them both to their cores but that did not stop them from deepening the kiss, gradually Caspar became more aware of how wrong this was. He pulled away from Joe.

"Joe I love, I love you more than I've loved anyone before. Don't get me wrong I've dreamed about this moment for years never thinking it could be real, but it's so wrong. You're with Jack and he doesn't deserve this, I know he loves you and as much as it pains me, I know you love him too. We're also stupid drunk, and probably won't remember a moment of this tomorrow morning, but I will cherish it now. So call Jack because I can't stand here beside you knowing how absolutely beautiful you are. I know I should of told you sooner, done something; anything to let you know I loved you and not a day goes by that I don't regret it, but I have to live with that." Caspar said quietly as his voice broke several times. Joe made no reply, he just pulled out his phone and called Jack to tell him that he and Caspar were lost.   
Jack soon turned up, turns out they passed the hotel multiple times and just went to the park across the street. When they entered the hotel, Jack was practically carrying Joe to their room.

"See you tomorrow or today I guess, sleep well," Jack said as he stopped outside their room.

"Yeah Caspy sleep well," Joe replied with a small laugh that sounded like more of a hiccup.

The second Caspar entered his room he broke into tears, it wasn't just the nickname it was the realization. All this time he thought that maybe just maybe there was something there. That one day they would realize they were made for each other, and Jack wouldn't be upset and they would all live happily ever after. Tonight that all disappeared, and he realized he was the child, he was still dreaming, dreaming up the impossible. He dreamed up fantasies and suddenly all the sad looks his friends sometimes gave him made sense, they were pitying him for not growing up. He was became even more engulfed in sadness knowing that his friends lost the heart of a child, because no matter how hard you try you can never get it back. Caspar fell asleep in a chair that looked out on the outside world and he cried, harder than he ever had, one might worry he would drown himself in the tears. And in the morning he cried again because he forgot the feeling he had when Joe kissed him. He knew though he would never feel like that again, because although they were maybe soulmates, Joe was always practical and Caspar was the dreamer. In that moment he knew that his true love would never change because isn't there a saying that goes sometimes they're your soulmate but your not theirs, and that's the saddest fucking thing.


End file.
